What it is
Emotional regulation skills refer to the ways a person recognizes an emotion, makes sense of what it's telling them, and chooses how to act on it. This doesn't mean suppressing feelings or forcing yourself to feel calm; it's more about having options when strong emotions show up.
These skills cover a wide range of experiences — noticing feelings as they arise, naming them, tolerating distress without making things worse, and shifting out of an intense emotional state when it helps. Everyone regulates emotions to some degree, often without thinking about it.
When emotions feel overwhelming, confusing, or hard to shake, many people find that learning these skills more intentionally can make daily life feel steadier. They are something people can practice and strengthen over time, much like any other learned ability.
How it’s traditionally been approached
For a long time, emotions were often seen as something to control through willpower or simply to push aside. People were sometimes told to 'calm down' or 'stop overreacting,' which rarely addressed what was actually happening underneath.
Over time, understanding shifted toward viewing emotions as meaningful signals rather than problems to eliminate. Approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) brought emotional regulation into focus as a set of teachable skills, while Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasized making room for emotions rather than fighting them.
Today, many therapists treat emotional awareness and flexibility as skills that can be developed. Anger management, schema-focused, and compassion-focused approaches each offer their own lens on how people relate to difficult feelings, reflecting a broader move toward curiosity rather than judgment about emotional experience.
How a therapist may help
A therapist using cognitive or behavioral approaches may help you build emotional regulation skills by first exploring how your emotions, thoughts, and reactions tend to unfold. Sessions often start with noticing patterns — what tends to set off intense feelings and what you usually do next.
Working with a DBT therapist, a DBT skills group, or an ACT therapist, you might practice recognizing emotions earlier, naming them more clearly, and experimenting with different responses. Compassion-focused and schema therapists may help you understand where some reactions come from, while anger management therapists often focus on specific high-intensity moments.
Rather than following a fixed script, these sessions are usually collaborative and tailored to you. The aim is generally to expand your options when feelings are strong, so you can respond in ways that line up with what matters to you. Progress tends to come gradually, with practice between sessions.
Where mind meets body
Emotions are never only in the mind. A wave of anger, fear, or sadness often shows up in the body too — a racing heart, tight chest, clenched jaw, or shallow breathing. Thoughts, feelings, and the body's stress response constantly influence one another, which is why trying to think your way through an intense emotion can feel so hard when your body is still activated.
Because of this two-way connection, some people pair thinking-based skills with body-based (somatic) practices for a more whole-person approach, learning to work with physical sensations as well as thoughts. If you'd like to explore body-based options, Somatic Experiences is a place to learn more. Neither approach is better than the other, and many people find value in drawing from both.
Explore on Somatic Experiences: nervous system regulation →Explore on Somatic Experiences: polyvagal →Explore on Somatic Experiences: nervous system dysregulation →
Keep in mind
- Learning emotional regulation skills takes time and practice, and setbacks are a normal part of the process.
- Coaching, skills groups, and self-help resources can support learning, but they are not a treatment for any condition.
- If emotions connect to trauma, self-harm, thoughts of suicide, disordered eating, or substance use, a licensed professional should guide your care; in a crisis in the US, you can call or text 988 or call 911.
- Any decisions about medication are made with a licensed prescriber, separate from skills learning.
Not sure where to start? Answer a few gentle questions and choose who you’d like to hear from.
Frequently asked questions
What are emotional regulation skills?
Emotional regulation skills are the abilities people use to notice, understand, and respond to their emotions in flexible ways. They include recognizing feelings as they arise, tolerating distress, and choosing how to act rather than reacting automatically. These skills can be learned and strengthened over time.
Can emotional regulation skills be learned?
Yes, emotional regulation skills can be learned and improved with practice, much like other abilities. Many people build them by noticing their emotional patterns and experimenting with new responses. A therapist can help tailor this learning to your situation, though progress usually happens gradually.
Which type of therapy helps with emotional regulation?
Several approaches focus on emotional regulation, including Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and compassion-focused and schema therapies. DBT is especially known for teaching emotion-focused skills. The best fit depends on your needs, and a licensed therapist can help you decide.
What's the difference between suppressing and regulating emotions?
Suppressing emotions usually means pushing feelings down or trying to ignore them, which can leave them unresolved. Regulating emotions is about noticing and making room for feelings while choosing how to respond. Many therapies emphasize working with emotions rather than avoiding them.
Why do emotions feel physical?
Emotions often show up physically because the mind and body are closely linked through the stress response, producing sensations like a racing heart or tense muscles. This is a normal part of how emotions work. Because of this connection, some people combine thinking-based and body-based practices.
Is a DBT skills group right for me?
A DBT skills group may appeal to people who want to learn emotional regulation and related skills in a structured, supportive setting. Groups can offer practice and shared learning, but they are not a treatment for any condition. A licensed professional can help you decide whether a group or individual therapy fits your needs.
Educational resource. Therapists.plus shares general information and connects people with independent therapists, coaches and groups. It is not medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Talk with a licensed professional about your health. In a crisis in the US, call or text 988 or call 911.
